Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "Ill call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

"Hello, maam, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, Id like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. Im in town all alone andwhat I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything youve got in your bag of tricks. Well go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."